Today was one of those days that started out inconspicuously, but it changed its mind part way through.

Last night we discovered a leak in the hot water heater, it had stopped working so first we tried the little timer box it plugs into and then up to the actual tank in the evening. In short, it has decided on another life, possibly at a dump to be melted down into something else. No big deal for us, not having hot water on tap is a rather common state of being in our world. Plus it made this evening a lot of fun with Lily bathing in the biggest pot in the house. It was a perfect size for her and she was having such fun that when we took her out she protested a bit. I am a pro at bucket bathing or in this case pot bathing and Denis braved a cold shower.

The fun started when the power cut mid afternoon. I was talking with a dear friend on Skype when all of a sudden boom and silence. The thunder and lightening was spectacular and though it took a bit for it to really start pelting down, the rain, when it did decide to open up we had a river in the front yard in no time. God decided to water the plants and fields for us, He is thorough. The horses stayed out in it and are wonderfully clean for the moment.

Dinner was supposed to be pretend spaghetti and sauce (the spaghetti being made with cabbage) but my cabbage was rotten and had flies living in it on the inside. So we had pasta and risked the gut ache, eating by candlelight as the storm had made it rather dark in the house. Lily’s coordination is incredible and so she fed herself bits of the very nice cheese we had grated for the top. She also threw some on the ground for her imaginary puppy to eat.

Speaking of puppies, our wolfhound should have been having puppies today, but she never caught, so no puppies for us to play with this time. I have witnessed the births of hundreds of horses, a couple birds, an alpaca, lambs, calves but never puppies. I guess that experience will have to wait.

I gathered the eggs from our hens and noticed that a second ‘named egg’ has gone missing. First ‘Pip’ went missing and now ‘D.O.G’ has also likely become dinner for some hungry creature. I am hoping Elvis and the other two get to make it to adulthood. Our grey hen has one of the old original red hens helping her now. The grey never leaves but the red hen keeps her company and sits on the fresh eggs beside her.

Tomorrow will come sooner than normal, it is way past my bedtime and my loved ones are already in dreamtime. I am off to join them with happy memories of thunder and lightening in my bones.

I’d like to talk about the little swallow bird that flew up the stairs into our bedroom yesterday. I’d like to talk about the animals we care for, the friend Denis took riding this evening, the dessert I made, the kestrel babies that are learning to fly, the broken water heater, Lily babbling, anything but what is laying heavy on my heart.

I have always wondered how people talk publicly about skeletons in their family closets. I think it takes a great deal of courage to talk about the bad bits but I think people should get to choose to talk about them. Everyone has a story, and we all have our own way of dealing with those stories. Denis and I don’t watch TV. I gave it up when I left home, being cheap and easily addicted to it, I felt it was best not being part of my daily life. I watch it at friends homes, but in general I have no idea what shows are on unless it hits my news feed.

This week I was upset to discover two young women had to stand in the spotlight while one of their family skeletons was disclosed to the world. They seem to have handled the situation with grace and dignity while the media attempted to drag various family members through the mud while victimising the two women. I found their story inspiring only because of how they handled a very unpleasant situation.

I wonder if I would have managed the same grace? I still have skeletons in my closet, skeletons that are not fully laid to rest, they rattle and shake and make frightful sounds that keep me from this grace that these two women have. I hope that this summer allows me to heal the wounds so that those skeletons are buried and gone for good. Denis did it, he started really dealing with his skeletons directly last year and though it took about a year he has done it, and what freedom it has allowed him. I have the same support system he had to help him through his work (for it is work to heal these wounds of the heart) and more.

My plan is to be my own support first, to write myself a letter now, to take with me to read if things get a bit bumpy. Then I have my family, I have Denis, who has told me he will hold me if I need to cry any tears and otherwise be my rock. I have Lily, my inspiration to be as whole and healthy as I can. I have my friends, I have my grounded no BS friend who will offer words of love and wisdom and I have my “Thelma and Louise” friend if I just want to rant and freak out without worrying about changing my mind moments later. I have Heilkunst. I have my future, and the knowledge that I create my future by my present choices. I also know that there is a lot of love in my family, skeletons and all.

I used to think homeopathy was nothing more than mysticism at best.

Even when I signed up for school I was of the opinion that it was for silly people who had no concept of science. I was only studying it to appease the lawyers who demanded that I be retrained before they would decide just how much the crash had changed my life. I never imagined I would become a convert. I certainly did not know how deep the so called ‘rabbit hole’ went into this other world of healing and curing. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, applying this to knowledge, I set about studying with this as my mantra. I set out to study and disprove homeopathy (for myself) but ended up realising that homeopathic remedies always work, 100% of the time, the margin of error lies in the user not the medicine.

I think of it like this, using the faulty yet highly accepted method of double blind studies lets see if bandaids are better than tape alone for wounds. Simple enough eh? Not so, all bandaids and tape will be standard size and applied to the index finger of the left hand. Now take people with all kinds of abrasions on any part of their body but remember that bandaid must go on that left index finger. What do you think the results will show? Bandaids are just as useless as the placebo tape. Just like homeopathic remedies are useless. The problem is not in the product but in how we test.

That is one reason why homeopathic remedies will always fail the current testing methods, homeopathics are situation specific, one size does not fit all. A medicine only as good as the practitioner applying it. You match the wrong remedy to the patient and you don’t get healing, you match the correct remedy and potency and you get cures and healing. Simple, but beyond first aid it takes a level of awareness and understanding that reflects the subtleties of the remedies.

Denis and I listened to a young man (11 years old) on Ted Talks this Monday, he was diagnosed with autism and his parents were told he would never speak, learn, tie his shoes and so on. He is a math genius and speaks with passion about math and he wants everyone to stop learning and to THINK! Stop believing what you have been told by anyone and start thinking about it instead.

I agree! Question your understanding of the things you love or hate, look deeper, find the truths and find the faults and become more than a product of the institutions you attended, the society you grew up in. Really get the most out of life, don’t take the parts that you are passionate about at face value, go deeper. 

We all need a little inspiration every now and then.

Today I read a bunch of positive quotes while Lily slept, Denis worked around the house and I thought about what to write today. To be completely honest, today is the first day I have had any sort of apprehension of what to write simply because now instead of it being in the future that people will read my thoughts, it is now. I went public this weekend and I am feeling a bit nervous and it is important to me that I don’t stop writing from my heart. That I don’t tailor my story to be more interesting or less conforming, to outside standards, in order to avoid feeling personally judged. I told myself “Don’t fake perfection!” Talked to Denis and decided to write what I am feeling, let go and move on. That is how I grow after all, moving outside my comfort zone.

So, enough of that, no need to spend a whole post on it, those fears are done and talking about them more just breathes life into a dead thing.

Lily had her first dry night! It was shocking, a bit unnerving and then we just marvelled at her again. We had another great weekend, full of friends and fun and laughter. Denis went riding again with our friend-host, we enjoyed sunshine, food from the farm and chats on Saturday. Sunday we went to a market with our friend-host and her boyfriend. We got lost on the way to meet them and took the long way passing through beautiful little seaside communities. The beaches were inviting but I am no fool, I know the water only looks nice but is cold! The market was bustling and one of us (the local frenchman) decided to get some snails for his lunch. Our dear friend had to listen to stories how they are harvested and cooked and that the ones that escape the pot (each batch has a few who escape) are all released into the garden and named Henry to pass away the remainder of their days unharmed by people. Our friend is a long time vegetarian. Undaunted that no one would join him in eating snails our, otherwise loved, frenchman friend proceeded to eat a large plate of them with us making a few teasing remarks throughout the meal.

They all went swimming again, Lily loving it even more this time, while I sat on the side. I might get in before we have to leave, just to enjoy the time with Lily, I really am not a swimmer unless the water is equator warm, and at that I prefer scuba than simply swimming.

Today Lily caught up on some much needed sleep, her passport arrived, Denis started rearranging the living room, and I made another list of things to do. Only six weeks left before we have to leave our oasis for our next adventure and I have things I want to get done.

I am manic for recipes right now.

I am looking up how to make common things from scratch (mayo, ranch dressing…) and it has made me realise I have a fair number of favourite things to make I have learned over the years. My mom is a fabulous cook and gave me the skills to find my way around most kitchens and recipes, good enough it has been a skill I have traded for room and board while travelling with Denis. Today I will share two I have added to my personal collection since we started travelling, family recipes I will share another day.

I made this first recipe in Scotland while volunteering for a couple in a little village steeped in history called Balquhidder. It was January and it was cold and wet so most of my time was spent in the kitchen trying to beat the winter blues with good things to eat. Our host had a fabulous selection of hand written and cut out recipes and this one caught my eye, it was fabulous, better than I dreamed. It will be a go to for us whenever we feel a cold coming on or we just want some comfort with a kick.

Roasted Garlic Soup with Parmesan Cheese

(no idea where it came from)

26 unpeeled garlic cloves

2 tbsp olive oil sprinkled over the garlic then season with salt and pepper.

Cover with foil and bake at 350°F for 45 minutes until tender.

In a pot

2 tbsp butter

2 1/4 cups sliced onions

1 1/2 tsp thyme chopped

cook above until onions translucent, add roasted garlic (peeled)

18 raw garlic peeled

add to pot and cook 3 minutes

3 1/2 cups of chicken stock

add to pot and cook 20-30 minutes

puree soup

add 1/2 cup cream

Place grated parmesan in the bottom of each serving bowl and spoon over soup. Add a lemon wedge if desired. Good without the cheese as well. It is a surprising soup that will have you going back for seconds.

A decadent dessert that I discovered here in France while searching for flourless recipes will be an often repeated treat when something sinfully rich is called for. It is not sweet as I modified the recipe quite a bit in that regard but when you just want something full of flavour with a satisfying texture this chocolate treat can’t miss.

Chocolate Dream

4 large eggs

1 cup unsweetened cacao powder

1/2 cup of maple syrup

heaping 1/4 cup coconut oil

1 tsp vanilla

Mix it all in a bowl until very smooth. Place in a 8 inch round pan that is covered in wax paper. Back at 350ºF for 30 minutes. The centre will look uncooked. Cool overnight in the fridge if you can. Serve with raspberries, fresh currants or other favourite fruit and dust lightly with icing sugar.

There are so many more recipes that I enjoy and I think every so often I will share some. Nothing like a tried and tested recipe. I am a fan of simple prep and common ingredients though for something special I make exceptions.

Homemade is best, yes?

It has begun. Again.

Even before I met Denis I went through this process many times, I just seem to do it more frequently now. This time will be our biggest downsize since leaving the boat when we started our journey. It is a good thing to do for almost everyone, it is so easy to collect stuff, cheap easily replaced stuff and also expensive or valuable stuff that no longer serves a purpose and only depletes your energy caring for said stuff. The hard part is the stuff we have attachments to, I think I will be letting go of a few things I did not intend on parting with this time, but they to will go to make room for the most irreplaceable things. The hand made and very thoughtful gifts we never expected but are so priceless now, our tent, my Canada Goose Coat and some important paperwork will not be on the cutting list, it will be interesting what makes it to Canada.

My target? Denis, Lily and myself get two bags for under the plane July 22, two carryons and Lily’s car seat. The two bags for under the plane can weigh no more than 50 pounds each. My dear mom has already taken a bag home for us when she came to visit in February, so a bunch of Lily’s stuff has already gone, that was helpful. It can be daunting but I love it, today I started getting rid of my clothes that are damaged or have not been used in months. Purging out the material clutter in our life, we become, physically and spiritually, lighter.

On a completely different topic, today was the first hot day since we gave up ice cream, Denis is making dinner because all I can think of is ice cream. It’s been weighing on my mind for a few hours, getting steadily worse and walking in from planting the beans and carrots I wanted to call out to Denis “want an ice cream?”.  I’d been trying to think of what to make for dinner and all I could come up with was a cone would not be big enough so a large banana split might be more suitable. I wonder if I did not have Denis in my life, if at some point today I might have cracked and eaten all the ice cream I could get my hands on. It is such a gift to have someone to walk with through life with.

Sometimes it seems harder to get stuff done with so many distractions but it is also easier to stay strong with someone there to support me. We both agree life is so very different and good since Lily joined us, we laughed that with out her in our life I probably would have graduated school a year earlier but that is a tiny price to pay for the magic she brings.

Here is a bit of gardening fun we’ve shared in the last two days.

Here

We were not even out of bed this morning and Lily discovered something new, her shadow!

So much fun, she was sitting on her little potty with the sun streaming in the window, I had her turned a way we obviously did not have her before because all of a sudden she was staring at her shadow. She moved, it moved, she got excited and so we watched to see what would happen. I moved her arm for her, then she took off exploring it herself. I patted her head so she could see and feel at the same time, her daddy went further away and patted only her shadow’s head. Such fun!

Next, before Lily even had her morning nap I was out weeding the garden, it was long overdue. It ended up taking all day. Ten, five gallon pails packed full, and there is still two beds to be weeded with shrubs and trees, plus the flower beds are ready to be done again. Our soil is so healthy, we grow big strong weeds. However, we also grow food and tomorrow we get to eat salad from the garden. We have been eating radishes and strawberries for awhile now but tomorrow we will have the main part of our supper provided for by our garden. Such a good feeling.

We planted more stuff today, and tomorrow I will plant the last of our efforts, at least I think I will be planting the last of our efforts, we keep getting gifted with more plants/seeds. Today we planted more tomato plants, potatoes, red and white onions, lettuce and zucchini. Tomorrow it is carrots, more potatoes, more radishes, and green beans. Lily joined both on the ground and in the carrier at various points, she likes ripping things out of the soil. Have to be careful though, she thinks she should eat the soil too. We found a toad at one point, he/she was a brave toad, each time I would gently touch it, it would stand up on all four legs as tall as possible. Never had a toad do that before. We put it in the lettuce bed as I wanted to plant onions in the patch of weeds it had been hanging out in.

While I started typing this entry, Denis took Lily out for the evening walk with the dogs, he also took two tomato plants. He is planting them along a pathway used by walkers and cyclists, he thinks it will be a fun surprise for people later in the year when there are fresh tomatoes to eat along the way. We will have to make a sign, so they know they are free for the taking. I know it would make my day, finding ‘free for the taking’ veggies along a path, but you know what, I have to admit I never thought of being the one who planted the vegetables. I love him so much!

Ha, I just sat down to write about water and reaching for my glass I notice it is empty!

Now I sit down again with a pint of fresh water beside me to drink while I type.

Water! One of the easiest things to incorporate into our diet that has such massive health benefits. Often we over look the little things we can do and search for the big or difficult changes, thinking they will bring about the greatest changes for our health. Drinking a good quality water and getting enough of it in your daily regimen can help with everything from digestion to heart health. A fabulous book called “Your Body’s Many Cries for Water” by Dr. F. Batmanghelidj talks about all the health benefits and I highly recommend reading it, or checking out his website, for anyone wanting to hear clinical evidence for the various body systems that benefit from optimal body functions.

Most of the time we are thirsty when we think we are hungry, we have literally forgotten what it feels like to be thirsty, many of us can go for a day or days without water, not feeling the least bit thirsty. Instead we are drinking foods (coffee, juice and other liquids are treated as food and digested, often they can even be diuretics) we need to force ourselves to drink water and relearn the signs of thirst as a society.

When I met Denis, he did not drink water at all. Coffee, tea, beer and the moisture in his foods was what his body survived on. Now, after a few days of not drinking his normal optimal quantity he feels sluggish, he rarely does this and so it is not normally a problem for us, or him, but when we forget it takes a bit to get back in the swing of things.

Since we have both dropped our intake a bit the last few days we talked about the quality of the water we are drinking and we have decided it is time to go back to bottled water for the remainder of our time here. We have no idea if the town water we are drinking has fluoride or other additives in it so we will be buying artisan spring water. It is the best for you as it is mature water. Never heard of mature water? Think about it, natural springs happen all over the world and the water is filtered by nature and when ready it bubbles to the surface, it goes UP!

Everyone knows water falls down with gravity, so what makes this water go up? In short, maturity. For those of you with a curious mind look up the different types of water, tap, reverse osmosis, spring, artisan spring and so on. See what one sounds the best to you.

We know we don’t want Lily drinking fluorinated water at all and best case we want her having locally sourced Artisan Spring Water. What kind do you want?

We had such a busy weekend, and such a fun weekend, and Monday was no slouch either.

Saturday had the house at the fullest it has been since we’ve been here. Lovely people we have met and more. Lily thrived in the attention. She loves meeting people, having them give her their undivided attention, fawning over her. There are very few people she has reservations about but she assesses them all. The ones she really likes she snuggles right into. I don’t know what is more fun, watching Lily’s reaction to people or watching their reaction to her. We stayed up later than normal, the fire pit was burning the barbecue was cooking and the sun went down all with our Lily giggling and smiling away. Eventually we called it quits, as I don’t think Lily was going to. We slept well Saturday night.

Sunday was grey and wet but we still went out to a different little town we’d never been to and checked out a market. There were some nice food vendors so we got a nice mix of nuts/seeds/dried fruit, tried dried kiwis (not a favourite) and got some dried figs (which we love). Our friends got fancy cheeses and a bag for their mom, it was Mother’s Day here in France on Sunday. I have now had three different Mother’s Days as England celebrated first, then Canada now France… each time someone has wished me a Happy Day. Kinda cool, my first year being a mom and each month there are strangers and friends saying Happy Mother’s Day.

After the market we went swimming with our friends. It was Lily’s first time, so I used it as an excuse to sit on the side of the pool incase she wanted out in a hurry. Really I hate cold water. I can’t understand why anyone would consider it fun to jump in a pool of cold or even cool water on anything other than a melting hot day, and then the cool pool is fine. I love my water in all its forms, snow to steam, but cold water is for drinking not playing in. Luckily Lily could care less about the temperature. She was nervous when we went into the building, I think because of the echo’s and the smell. Whatever it was all she did was get her worried/thinking face on and hold me or her father really close. Denis took his time getting in the water, held her tight and take her through the initial ‘weirdness’ of it all and soon she was having a great time. A giant bathtub filled with cold water and friends, Denis and Lily were the last out of the pool.

Today, Lily made her daddy’s day again but this time by falling asleep… in my arms while he drove the tractor around with us keeping him company. Something he’d done as a boy and has such fond memories of.

No point in beating about the bush, I am tired today. I had a case of spinning mind last night that lasted until 4:00 a.m.

I tried to get up and be productive with this crazy energy that had me up most of the night but the glow from the computer made Lily restless and I did not want to wake her. Instead I had conversations with people that I will never have in real life, I planned what food to prepare for today and tomorrow when extra people are around the house, I daydreamed about South Africa again, and Lily having a lemon aid stand at the Saturday market with homemade cookies and little bunches of flowers to sell. I thought about what to write on my blog today. I thought about the page I will write soon for my practice. I thought about happy things, sad things and everything in between.

So today I conserved my energy. I am a good energy conserver. I can go for long periods of time because I know how to just use enough energy to get the job done to the standard I like with nothing wasted. I do this by keeping my emotional involvement or more accurately emotional expression low. Denis knows this about me and he can do it too, when we have these kinds of days we simply check in with each other. ‘Are you okay or just tired because you feel distant?’ Great question! It takes away any hurt feelings, any misconceptions that one of us might be the cause of the others mood. Communication is key. Denis and I have great communication, we’ve worked hard for it but it was worth the tears and frustration. Now I fell supported and so does he so when days like this come around we can support each other and help out rather than further deplete the energy stores.

You know what also helps? Telling each other heartfelt feelings towards each other. Denis told me today when I was climbing in the shower after a rather unpleasant job that left me with animal spit and blood on my body that he thinks I am sexy and all my curves are coming back, that he see’s changes daily! You know what is the best part, he means it! He is not blowing fluff in my direction to make me feel better after a tough day, he just felt like telling me because he was watching me get into the shower.

Support, compassion, kindness and honesty. Some of the qualities that make our bond so strong, and make a day where I’d really rather just lay in bed with Lily all day seem so much easier.