Vulnerability

I’d like to talk about the little swallow bird that flew up the stairs into our bedroom yesterday. I’d like to talk about the animals we care for, the friend Denis took riding this evening, the dessert I made, the kestrel babies that are learning to fly, the broken water heater, Lily babbling, anything but what is laying heavy on my heart.

I have always wondered how people talk publicly about skeletons in their family closets. I think it takes a great deal of courage to talk about the bad bits but I think people should get to choose to talk about them. Everyone has a story, and we all have our own way of dealing with those stories. Denis and I don’t watch TV. I gave it up when I left home, being cheap and easily addicted to it, I felt it was best not being part of my daily life. I watch it at friends homes, but in general I have no idea what shows are on unless it hits my news feed.

This week I was upset to discover two young women had to stand in the spotlight while one of their family skeletons was disclosed to the world. They seem to have handled the situation with grace and dignity while the media attempted to drag various family members through the mud while victimising the two women. I found their story inspiring only because of how they handled a very unpleasant situation.

I wonder if I would have managed the same grace? I still have skeletons in my closet, skeletons that are not fully laid to rest, they rattle and shake and make frightful sounds that keep me from this grace that these two women have. I hope that this summer allows me to heal the wounds so that those skeletons are buried and gone for good. Denis did it, he started really dealing with his skeletons directly last year and though it took about a year he has done it, and what freedom it has allowed him. I have the same support system he had to help him through his work (for it is work to heal these wounds of the heart) and more.

My plan is to be my own support first, to write myself a letter now, to take with me to read if things get a bit bumpy. Then I have my family, I have Denis, who has told me he will hold me if I need to cry any tears and otherwise be my rock. I have Lily, my inspiration to be as whole and healthy as I can. I have my friends, I have my grounded no BS friend who will offer words of love and wisdom and I have my “Thelma and Louise” friend if I just want to rant and freak out without worrying about changing my mind moments later. I have Heilkunst. I have my future, and the knowledge that I create my future by my present choices. I also know that there is a lot of love in my family, skeletons and all.

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