Impressions

Rainy days can be among my favourite days, Denis too. We love the way it changes everything, sometimes I forget I love them and I think… yuck I have to go outside in this? However, once I am outside I think, what took me so long and what else can I do out here? My brain can be like that, conditioned to think rainy days are crummy days when really I like them. Sadly it is not only rainy days that my brain has been conditioned to think false things about. The false thoughts I know about just take diligence and awareness and I am no longer robbing myself of my true feelings. The tricky part is when I believe the lie to the point that I don’t give myself a chance to enjoy something I have decided to dislike. For instance, up until very recently I would have said I hate photos of myself. I was embarrassed of imperfections and I saw so many. Now, with dogged determination not to pass on that quality to Lily and trust in Denis that it is okay I have discovered funny photos, imperfect photos, life photos are the best. I can let go and really have fun, I still can make the panic frozen smile but each day I get better.

Sent the last of the smelly haylage to the horses today, Denis packed it in the van while I took a after lunch snooze with Lily. Then we both headed off to help out a local friend who has been there for us time and time again when we needed things (a home, internet), she wanted help trimming some shrubs in her garden. First I panicked, shrub trimming is not really in my repertoire of knowledge and I was worried that I might kill something. Then I saw the garden and figured this is going to be easy, I wondered what the fuss was about. Then we started working on it and I discovered… not only can a book not be judged by its cover, but a garden cannot be judged at first glance. I will be back again tomorrow and possibly on the weekend.

Sometimes first impressions make things worse and sometimes they make them better than they are. Thankfully I did not go for a career in gardening or I’d have a big learning curve ahead of me. As it is I can just enjoy the gardening I get to do for ourselves and friends and I get to focus my mind on what I am really passionate about, true health, and a life lived to its full capacity.

A bit of fun from Tuesday for you.

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