I have not blogged for nine months. That’s how long it took my body to build Lily’s body. So much has happened and though I feel like I am going in the right direction, it feels like I have been learning the same lessons over and over again. I now think life is grade school. You pass math, grade one, only to be rewarded with math, grade two, the moment your short lived summer is up. Only now, just like in math, the same lessons are so bloody disguised I don’t see them as the same lessons. This happened for me in math the moment they brought the alphabet into the equation. I can’t so easily pin point the start of my confusion now.
I know that as I consciously take less and less responsibility for those around me I am left adrift in my own thoughts wondering what it is I truly want. So long I have been wanting what I think others want me to want, or what I think will make me a good person, or any other ego driven reason that, I have not had to really discover what it is I truly want in life. I have no clue what kind life I want. I feel a bit like Captain Jack Sparrow, I have this compass that will lead me to whatever I want… But I don’t know what I want.
I do know I want to start blogging again, so, hello. Care to take a journey of self discovery with me?