No point in beating about the bush, I am tired today. I had a case of spinning mind last night that lasted until 4:00 a.m.
I tried to get up and be productive with this crazy energy that had me up most of the night but the glow from the computer made Lily restless and I did not want to wake her. Instead I had conversations with people that I will never have in real life, I planned what food to prepare for today and tomorrow when extra people are around the house, I daydreamed about South Africa again, and Lily having a lemon aid stand at the Saturday market with homemade cookies and little bunches of flowers to sell. I thought about what to write on my blog today. I thought about the page I will write soon for my practice. I thought about happy things, sad things and everything in between.
So today I conserved my energy. I am a good energy conserver. I can go for long periods of time because I know how to just use enough energy to get the job done to the standard I like with nothing wasted. I do this by keeping my emotional involvement or more accurately emotional expression low. Denis knows this about me and he can do it too, when we have these kinds of days we simply check in with each other. ‘Are you okay or just tired because you feel distant?’ Great question! It takes away any hurt feelings, any misconceptions that one of us might be the cause of the others mood. Communication is key. Denis and I have great communication, we’ve worked hard for it but it was worth the tears and frustration. Now I fell supported and so does he so when days like this come around we can support each other and help out rather than further deplete the energy stores.
You know what also helps? Telling each other heartfelt feelings towards each other. Denis told me today when I was climbing in the shower after a rather unpleasant job that left me with animal spit and blood on my body that he thinks I am sexy and all my curves are coming back, that he see’s changes daily! You know what is the best part, he means it! He is not blowing fluff in my direction to make me feel better after a tough day, he just felt like telling me because he was watching me get into the shower.
Support, compassion, kindness and honesty. Some of the qualities that make our bond so strong, and make a day where I’d really rather just lay in bed with Lily all day seem so much easier.